A Sense of Belonging

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As the elevator moved smoothly downward, Jim Ellison feasted his eyes on the man he’d not seen for so very long. Blair didn’t look that different. The year and a half that he’d been gone from Cascade had left few outward marks on him. Cascading curls caught Jim’s eye as they glinted in the light, and his hand twitched as it ached to touch them.

Blair’s eyes glinted as he looked at the Sentinel. “You can touch me,” he said.

Jim’s breath came faster as he heard the words. Slowly his hand rose, crossing the inches between them to bury itself in the waterfall of Blair’s hair. He closed his eyes as he felt the silk of each strand caress him as it slid across his hand. The heat of Blair’s skin rose to draw him closer, and his fingers stroked gently along his Guide’s neck, feeling the tiny shiver that his touch brought.

The elevator came to a halt, and his eyes opened to meet the intense blue before him. Reluctantly he pulled his hand away, the loss of contact causing real pain. Blair smiled wryly at him, as the elevator doors hissed open.

Jim followed his Guide into the parking garage, his eyes automatically searching for the familiar Volvo. Blair went instead to a blue Saturn, pulling keys from his pocket.

Blair glanced over at him, then opened the door. “Yeah, well, the hills in Pittsburgh are murder on a car. The Volvo gave up the ghost a couple of months ago.”

Blair hesitated, then sighed. “I’d had to be rescued one too many times. Mi- one of my friends was a cop. He spotted this in a drug seizure sale listing. Picked it up for only a couple hundred.”

Jim felt like he’d been punched. All the times that he’d bitched about the Volvo, or even the Corvair - but he’d never thought of checking the auction listings. It had taken someone else. “God, Blair, I’m sorry. I could have done that years ago.”

Catching the tone in his Guide’s voice, Jim backed off. It was a big deal, he knew. The names he’d heard Blair say in the stairwell came back to him. John - and Michael. Biting back possessive rage, he nodded and said, “Michael got it for you, huh? I hear they’re good cars.”

Blair looked over at him. “I paid for it, Jim. And yes, Saturns are pretty reliable.”

He met Blair’s eyes for a moment, then dropped his gaze as the other man looked steadily at him. He knew Blair was right. He had to let go of this, get rid of the jealousy he felt toward the men that Blair had said loved him. He had no right to it.

Blair sighed. “Jim.” The quiet command in his voice brought Jim’s eyes back to meet Blair’s own, the anger softened with understanding. “I’m here.”

“I love you,” Blair said. “It doesn’t mean that you own me, Jim, or that I’ll give up my friends. But they are friends. I love you.”

Jim looked at him, unable to speak. How had Blair known what he needed to hear? Then the answer came. The same way Blair always knew.

Blair laughed and pushed Jim toward his truck. “Can we go get me out of the hotel, big guy?”

Obediently, Jim headed away. Then he stopped and looked back at Blair, who was sliding into his car. “Blair, I...”

Blair’s smile lit his face, “You don’t have to say it, big guy. I know.”

Pulling up to the hotel, the two men parked side-by-side. Blair smiled at Jim through the glass, then slid out to stand next to the car, waiting for Jim to round his truck. Reaching out a hand, he laid it gently on Jim’s arm, sighing when the Sentinel tensed.

Fear and hurt flashed in Jim’s eyes, then vanished behind the opaque curtain Blair had seen so many times. His voice was carefully neutral. “If that’s what you want, Chief.”

Jim breathed in slowly, staring over Blair. Then he closed his eyes and shook his head. “No, Chief.” Blair caught his breath at the naked longing he saw when Jim opened his eyes to look at him. “I want you home.”

“I want that, too, Jim. But if you’re going to tense up every time I touch you, then maybe we need to slow down some. Get reacquainted with each other.”

Blair studied his eyes for a moment, seeing the need Jim sought to hide, and seeing the love. “Yeah,” he said finally. “We can do that at the loft.”

He turned and walked toward the hotel, feeling Jim’s presence at his back. Entering the lobby, he grinned merrily at the girl behind the desk. “Hi, there, Reina,” he called out. “The PD found another place for me, so I’ll be checking out as soon as I get packed.”

The girl wrinkled her nose. “Already, Dr. Sandburg? They could have left you with us a few days, at least!” Her disappointment was clear.

“Blair, I told you, Reina! And the new place is cheaper, you see.” He grinned up at Jim.

“Well, that explains it. I’ll get this ready for you, then, and send a copy over the fax to the station once you’ve checked out.”

Blair smiled at her. “Thanks a lot. C’mon, big guy. You can help me pack.”

Shaking his head, Jim followed him to the elevator. Once the doors closed behind them, he said, “Some things never change, do they, Sandburg?”

Blair laughed, then stared intently into Jim’s eyes. “Things do change, Jim. And there’s only one person I want eating out of my hand.”

Jim felt his heart pound as he stared at Blair’s face. The blue eyes looking into his own seemed bottomless, and as he watched, they darkened, turning to smoky midnight. Blair’s words replayed in his head, and his breath came faster at the image they painted. He reached out blindly to capture his Guide’s hand, raising it to his mouth. His eyes held onto Blair’s as his tongue slowly traced along Blair’s palm.

An explosion of flavor burst upon him, salt and oils and the essential taste he’d craved without knowing it. He felt the shiver of the skin he tasted, and the tiny ridges that his tongue moved over. He moaned, taking Blair’s fingers into his mouth.

Blair’s voice drew him, even as the fingers were pulled away. Mourning the loss, he focused his vision on Blair’s face. His Guide looked... amused. And a bit dazed. Jim decided he liked dazed.

The door hissed open beside him, and he allowed Blair to pull him out of the elevator. Following him willingly down the hallway, Jim savored the taste still within his mouth. The flavor of Blair. How could he have lived for so long with this man without knowing that taste? Sound, smell... all the other senses were filled with Blair before he'd lived in the loft for more than a week. But taste...

Only once had he tasted Blair, and that had been tainted with chlorine and death. Jim shivered as the memory of that taste rose in his mouth, bile washing away the sweetness. He stood, shaking, as Blair unlocked the door. His Guide turned to him, dancing eyes filling with concern. Blair spoke, his voice seeming farther away than ever before. He felt Blair's hands pulling him into the room and pushing him to sit on the bed. Jim moved sluggishly, his mind locked on what could have been.

Settling beside him, Blair wrapped his body around Jim, holding tightly. A constant stream of words filled Jim's ears, but he paid no attention to them. His shaking body stilled as the beat of Blair's heart pounded against his chest. His Guide's warmth seeped into him slowly, and his eyes cleared as he pushed away the horrible image of Blair lying lifeless on the ground. Drawing a deep breath, he looked into the relieved face close to his own. "I'm sorry, Chief," he said hoarsely.

"What was that, Jim?" Blair pushed one curly strand behind his ear. Jim watched the hair slip forward again, fascinated by the silken strands.

Jerked back to attention again, he shook his head. "I'm not sure." He fumbled for words, fighting reluctance. "The only other time I - tasted you..."

"Was when I drowned." Blair's voice was matter-of-fact. Jim winced, looking away. Blair reached out, turning his face back to meet his Guide's eyes.

Blair sighed. "Jim," his voice held exasperation, worry, and... Jim swallowed again. It held love. "Jim, I'm alive. You brought me back, remember?"

"Then we wouldn't be having this conversation." Blue eyes met, and Jim could see nothing else. "I'm alive, Jim. I'm here. And if it's my taste that brought this on, then I think it's time for some desensitization."

Moving his hands from Jim's face to lace behind his head, Blair pulled the Sentinel's head toward him. Still held in Blair's eyes, Jim moaned as warm lips met his, gentle pressure turning rapidly into building heat. Blair kissed as he did everything else, Jim thought dimly, with everything in him. Then he lost the ability to think, as gentle coaxing opened his mouth, allowing a plundering tongue to drive inside.

Blair exploded upon his senses, the tongue caressing his own in a fiery duel. The kiss went on forever, and when Blair finally pulled away, smiling at the protesting whimper, Jim knew that the taste of the fountain was gone. It had been replaced, just like Blair had intended.

And the craving was worse. He growled, low, just before he pounced. Blair's delighted laughter filled the room as Jim rolled them over on the bed, pinning the smaller man beneath him carefully. Smiling down into the laughing eyes, Jim began a thorough exploration of Blair's own mouth, his kisses trailing onto the stubble-roughened jawline.

Licking and nibbling, Jim worked his way to Blair's ear, the Guide tilting his head to give him better access. He savored the differing tastes, cataloguing each area as he went, salt, a hint of aftershave, but mostly Blair. Taking the lobe in his mouth, he bit down gently before rolling the tender flesh across his tongue. Blair's moans echoed in his ears, satisfying a need he hadn't known he had.

Releasing the ear, he nuzzled down Blair's throat, the blood pulsing under his tongue at the tender hollow. One hand buried within the mass of hair, the other worked open the buttons, giving him greater access to the skin he ached to touch. Pulling back the shirt, his hand moved to trail across Blair's chest, fingers finding one nipple just as his mouth reached the other.

Blair arched into him, hands pulling his head tighter and closer as he suckled at the erect nipple, tongue and teeth teasing it even harder. He released it, smiling at the disappointed sound, then moved to the other, feeling the ridge where it had been pierced. Lapping gently at it, he soothed the twitching stomach muscles, rubbing them gently. "Where's the ring, Chief?"

"Not here, Chief." Jim smiled wryly at Blair's immediate protest, his own body screaming the same. But he knew what he wanted.

Blair's eyes softened, and his hands came to rest on Jim's chest. He pushed up gently. "Then get off me, big guy. The faster we pack..."

Jim scrambled up, grinning as he heard Blair laugh. The room was packed and checked in ten minutes, and the bags downstairs in another five. Reina sighed as she watched the two men leave. Jim's grin widened as he heard her muttered words. "The good ones, taken, gay, or both. Damn it!"

Blair pulled the blue Saturn into a parking space near Jim's truck. Hopping out, he watched as the Sentinel strode down the sidewalk. Smiling at Jim, he popped the trunk open, grabbing two bags. Jim reached over him to get the others.

"Pretty much." Blair shrugged. "You know me - I travel light. I left some stuff in storage before I left Cascade - I'll pick it up eventually."

"I wanted you to have a place to come back to." Jim stared over Blair's head. "It made it seem more like you might."

"Oh, Jim." Blair felt his throat tighten. Reaching up, he pulled Jim's head down, forcing the Sentinel to look at him. "I love you," he said. "Let's go home."

The glow in the ice-blue eyes made him shiver. Turning toward the building, Blair breathed deeply as he heard the footsteps following behind him. Leading the way up the stairs, he stopped at the door to the loft, hearing Jim fumbling for the keys. As the door opened, Blair stepped inside, gasping as he did.

It was as if he'd never been gone, he thought numbly. Everything he'd so carefully packed away into boxes had been restored to their places, heavy books and stone carvings lovingly replaced just as Blair had preferred them. He stared open-mouthed at Jim.

The detective shrugged, obviously uncomfortable. "They were supposed to be there. It just didn't look right without them."

"Even the fertility fetishes?" Blair teased, his shock fading into tenderness. He grinned at Jim, the memory of his outrage at the carvings plain.

"Cool." Blair turned, heading for his old room, wanting to put the heavy bags down. He froze as he heard the stifled gasp. Looking over his shoulder, he swore at Jim's white face, his lips stubbornly clenched together. "Jim, man..."

"I don't think so." Blair set the bags down by the French doors, returning to Jim. Standing in front of him, he looked up into the pain-filled eyes. "What's going on?"

Blair shook his head, placing his hands on either side of Jim's face. "We have got to work on this, Jim. I know my leaving caused a lot of it, but I'm here now. I love you, I'm not going to leave you again. And I'm certainly not going to sleep on a lumpy futon by myself any more. Not if you want me upstairs." He stood on his toes, kissing Jim lightly. "I am, however, going to use the closet space down here, Jim. So drag those bags into that room, got it?"

He stared into those eyes, weeping inwardly at the insecurity and self-doubt that looked back at him. How much of it had he caused? How much had been there all along, kept hidden behind the Ellison Wall? Blair didn't know, but he put all his strength into projecting love and trust and need. Finally Jim nodded, hefting his burden and moving toward the small room. Blair watched him go, biting his lip. Whatever he'd expected of his return to Cascade, this wasn't it.

Nudging the door open, Jim set the bags down inside the room, then picked up the two Blair had carried. "Do you want to unpack now?" he asked, looking back at Blair.

Blair shrugged. "It's not the first thing on my list," he answered, moving to stand by Jim. Reaching out, he took first one bag, then the other, placing them on the floor inside his old room. Pulling the door closed, he turned to lean against the jamb, grinning wickedly.

Jim took a step forward, just enough for Blair to feel his body heat. Face impassive, eyes hooded, he looked down at Blair. Blair shivered as the silky voice hit his ears, followed by the slow glide of a hand into his hair.

The warm mouth came down over Blair's own with the last word as the hand tangled in his hair, tilting his head to meet the kiss. Blair moaned as Jim's tongue teased along his lips, then took advantage of the moan to slip inside. His own answered the challenge, dueling with Jim's in a sweet dance that quickly turned savage. They devoured each other, only breaking the kiss when both could no longer breathe.

Panting, Blair looked up into Jim's darkened eyes. "I don't know, big guy," he teased between breaths. "You're doing pretty good with this one."

"I've got incentive." The tone was filled with promise and Blair shivered again.

"Oh, yeah." Moving closer to Jim, he molded his body tightly against the detective's. Jim gasped as Blair rubbed against him, and Blair laughed. "How about a tour, Ellison?" he whispered. "I hear these loft apartments have a lot of advantages."

"I think maybe you can." Blair grinned up into Jim's face, then, unable to resist, drew the head down, claiming another kiss.

Jim gasped into Blair's mouth as Blair pushed him slowly backward, hands and body guiding his movements even as the talented mouth kept his head spinning. Blair's kisses were all he'd ever dreamed of, more than he'd ever believed he'd have. The touch of Blair's hands... Jim shivered.

Hearing Blair chuckle, he pulled back to look down at the other man. Blair's eyes were dilated, their blue passion-dark and deep as night. His lips were slightly swollen, and Jim ached to taste them again. Tilting his head forward, he nipped the lower lip lightly. Blair groaned, making Jim laugh.

Jim felt himself grow even harder as Blair's eyes skimmed over him, and for a minute, he was afraid he'd never make it to the stairs, let alone up them. But as Blair turned and walked away, he knew it wouldn't be a problem. Somehow, he'd manage to follow. Walking carefully, he made it to the top, stopping in wonder at the sight that greeted him.

Blair stood, facing him, by his bed. The other man's smile was welcoming, with just a hint of devilment. Sun through the skylight fell upon him, highlighting his hair and his face. The beams made him glow, dancing across his hands as they unbuttoned the blue silk shirt. For a moment, Jim forgot how to breathe.

As a man drugged craves the thing that destroys him, Jim craved the man that stood before him. For all his will, for all his efforts, he was as addicted to Blair Sandburg as any slave to crank or Golden. The distinction was simple, and yet it made all the difference in the world. Blair would not destroy him. Blair could only make him better.

Moving slowly forward, he stopped before touching Blair. The anthropologist smiled up at him, but didn't speak, somehow knowing what Jim needed. Meeting his eyes, Jim held them in his own as he spoke, finally able to say the words he'd never managed.

Blair's smile quirked slightly, and he searched Jim's eyes. Jim met that gaze steadily, his own eyes holding only truth. Finally, Blair nodded.

"I know, big guy," he said softly. "I've always known. I won't deny I'd have preferred that whole mess to have never happened." He laughed, and Jim flinched until he realized that the laughter was free of bitterness.

"It's okay." Blair reached up, framing Jim's face with his own. Jim closed his eyes at the gentle touch, then opened them at Blair's insistent voice.

"It was a mess, Jim. But it's over. I'm home now. I've got my doctorate, and in a few years no one that matters will remember."

"Okay. One person that matters will remember." Blair's eyes were shadow free as he looked up at Jim. He shook his head, laughing lightly. "But you know what, big guy?"

Stepping forward, Blair wrapped his arms around Jim, pulling him close. Head moving forward, he mouthed at Jim's nipples, the moist heat penetrating the cloth easily as he spoke between nibbles.

Blair grinned triumphantly as he felt Jim's stiff body relax into his hold, the Sentinel's renewed arousal obvious as the bigger man arched to meet Blair's mouth. He loved that Jim had thought to apologize, but the words hadn't meant as much as he'd once thought they would. Jim's love for him, and his need for him, meant so much more.

Slipping his hands up Jim's back, he reveled in the smooth, hot skin he felt as they slid under the cloth. Working the material upwards, Blair pushed Jim back slightly to slide the shirt over Jim's head and off. That done, he refastened his mouth on the peaked nipple he'd been attending to. Jim moaned above him, and he smiled as he flicked the beaded flesh with his tongue.

Shifting their positions, he turned them so that Jim's back was to the bed. Guiding him down to sit and then stretch out, he lay beside his Sentinel, savoring the taste of him, the sight of him, the right to touch him. Jim lay passive below his mouth and hands, only the clenched fists and quiet sounds testifying to the Sentinel's desire. Blair feasted upon his lover, caressing every inch of exposed flesh with fingers and tongue.

Moving lower, he trailed his hair across Jim's tight muscles as his head dipped to nuzzle at the taut fabric covering Jim's erection. Jim's hips bucked upward even as he hissed Blair's name, and Blair chuckled as he sat up on his heels.

"You want something, big guy?" he teased, almost regretting it as he met Jim's eyes. The dark promise within made him shiver. Hastily he reached out, his fingers caressing as he unbuttoned the pants and carefully tugged the zipper down. Jim moaned as his engorged cock sprang outwards, pushing at the cotton that still lay over it.

"Shhh, shhhh, lover," Blair soothed, sliding the clothing down until Jim lay completely, magnificently nude before him. Jim's erection drew his eyes, fascinating him. He leaned forward, placing a hand carefully on Jim's hip, and pulled the bobbing head into his mouth. Jim's strangled shout and upward thrust made him smile, and he swirled his tongue around the head to elicit a repeat.

Taking as much into his mouth as he could, he wrapped his fist around the base, pumping gently as he sucked. Jim's hands settled on his head, and he smiled again as he realized that even now, Jim wasn't holding him, wasn't trying to control him. As a reward, he hummed, hearing Jim's gasp of pleasure as the vibrations massaged his cock.

Jim began thrusting harder, and Blair let him, relaxing his throat to take more of the erect penis. Continuing his pumping motions at the base, he hummed and swallowed, sucking as he did, until Jim cried out and thrust wildly, deeply into him. Pulling back quickly, Blair swallowed rapidly as Jim erupted in long spurts.

Finally lifting his head, he grinned up at his dazed lover. Jim lay exhausted and spent, his body limp.

Jim lifted his head to peer down at him, then let it fall back onto the pillow. "You've got to be kidding."

Blair shifted position, grimacing at the stickiness in his own pants. "You mean you didn't? I'll have to do something else next time, then."

He grinned at Jim's growl, then stood. "It's okay," he reassured Jim. "Just getting a bit more comfortable."

Blair laughed as his lover turned to face him. "Relax, Jim. I'm just fine." He scowled as he peeled his clothing off, wiping himself clean. "Or I will be, once this is off." Sliding onto the bed to lie beside Jim, he kissed him lightly. "Loving you does it for me, Jim. Bigtime."

Jim relaxed as his lover - his *lover*, he thought happily - curled up beside him, burrowing under his arm to lie tightly wrapped against his chest. Blair's body was warm next to his skin, the muscles relaxed and pliant. Breathing deeply, the Sentinel drank in the presence of his Guide, his love, finally beside him again.

Drifting back to awareness after an unknown time, he smiled as he felt Blair's breath on his chest. The other man's form was molded to him, and Jim felt desire rise again as the scent of their love-making came to his awareness. Lying still, he reveled in the ability to watch Blair, to sense him nearby. To touch him? That was beyond belief.

He blinked as sleepy eyes met his own, and a smile tugged at his heart. "Morning?" Blair asked.

Blair grinned. "That works too." A hand moved slowly down Jim's side, and he shivered at the contact. "Got plans for the day, big guy?"

"Guess I'll let you take the lead, then," Jim said lazily. "Seems like you know what you're doing."

The hand moving on him stilled, and eyes met his uncertainly. "Um. Yeah. I do." Blair looked away. "Does that bother you?"

"I don't know," Jim said honestly. "It shouldn't. Mostly I'm glad at least one of us knows what to do. But..." He sighed deeply. "Yeah. It does, a little."

Blair shifted, and Jim let him go sadly. He watched as Blair sat up, his arms achingly empty. Blair sat on the edge of the bed, his eyes closed, his face still.

Blair's head shook minutely, and Jim closed his mouth, biting back the words that wanted out. He lay there, open and defenseless, waiting for Blair to leave.

Jim shook his head. "I'm not sure," he admitted. "It's not you being with men, Blair. At least, I don't think so. I was never too wild about most of the women you dated either. I think it's... you... being with anyone, really, but especially men, because..." he shrugged. "I'm no prize, Blair."

"You think they're competition." Blair opened his eyes and looked at him. "You think I'll find someone better than you."

"Asshole," Blair said, his voice holding exasperation and forgiving warmth. Leaning forward, he kissed Jim deeply. "But you're *my* asshole, Jim Ellison. And there is no one better than you."

Reaching up, Jim wrapped his arms around Blair, holding him lightly as they kissed again. Blair broke the kiss and looked down at him. "Would it help to know it was before we met?"

Trailing kisses along Jim's jaw, Blair laid his body atop Jim's, their erections rubbing against each other. Jim arched into the contact, hissing as Blair thrust forward. "You," Blair said, nipping at his throat, "are mine, Jim Ellison."

"God, yes," Jim gasped as Blair moved lower to suckle at his nipple, a hand finding the other one and rolling it between strong fingers. He felt Blair's purr at his acknowledgement, the vibrations shooting straight to his groin and causing him to harden further. "Blair!"

"Like that?' Blair teased, moving his mouth to the other side, licking at the already aching bud. Jim moaned his answer, his hands caressing Blair's strong back and sliding over the other man's butt. Blair gasped and thrust forward again, making Jim groan at the friction.

"Do that again," he managed, his own hips bucking upward. He groaned in denial as Blair pulled away.

Jim felt his cock leap at the words, and he panted as he stared up at Blair. His silence must have lasted too long, as Blair sighed. "Unless you don't want to."

Blair smiled. "Oh, yes. I'm sure, Jim. But... we'll need to wait if we don't have supplies." He smiled again at Jim's confused look. "Lube and condoms," he clarified.

Blair shook his head. "I don't even want to know." Leaning over, he pulled the drawer open and rummaged through it, pulling the needed items out and tossing them onto the bed before renewing his assault upon Jim's chest. Grinning up at him after reducing the bigger man to panted moans, he moved up to kiss him before sitting up on his heels, straddling Jim. "But I'm glad."

Blair's expression changed and he looked down at Jim seriously. "I assume that you know the basics from the time you spent in Vice." At Jim's cautious nod he went on. "Good. But I think we'll both feel better about this if I go over them."

Jim nodded again, relieved. Yes, he'd heard the tales of what happened during male-male sex. But that was a long time ago, and the last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt Blair. God, maybe this was a bad idea. He looked up into Blair's face, his swollen lips catching Jim's eyes. He licked his lips unconsciously, then heard Blair's small moan just before his Guide kissed him again.

All thoughts of denying Blair vanished as Blair licked at his lips before sliding his tongue within Jim's mouth. He moaned as Blair devoured him, his mind whirling in the sensation. Panting as Blair drew back, Jim stared up at his lover.

"Mmmmm." Blair sobered again. "You have to prepare me," he said. "Otherwise the muscle won't be loose enough, and it could tear."

Handing him the lube, Blair shifted to lie against Jim, facing away from him. Jim sucked in a breath as his eyes drifted along Blair's body. He turned to lie on his side, spooned up behind Blair, and ran a hand tentatively down Blair's flank.

Blair shivered as the hand traveled lower around the curve of his hip. "God, Jim!" he gasped.

"How do I do this, Blair?" Jim leaned forward and kissed Blair's back. "Is this the right position?"

Blair nodded. "It's easier this way, especially at first. You take your finger and stretch the opening. It'll be tight, then relax."

"Okay." Jim flipped open the cap and squeezed some lube onto his fingers, grimacing at the cold gel. Rubbing his fingers together to warm it, he reached down and stroked lightly along Blair's crevice, smiling as he heard Blair hiss when he touched the opening. Blair pushed back gently, and Jim slipped his fingertip in. Blair cried out and Jim froze.

Jim stayed still, waiting for Blair to relax. After a moment, Blair sighed and pushed backward. Jim felt his finger slipping deeper and moved it gently in and out. Blair was still briefly, then began moving to meet his thrusting. "Keep going," he said.

Pulling out, Jim applied more lube, then replaced his finger. Blair relaxed faster this time, and Jim began to move in a circular pattern, feeling the muscular rings begin to loosen. Soon Blair was panting and moving restlessly. He moaned and pushed backward onto his hand.

Jim felt awed by this. Blair was surrounding him, he was inside Blair. He couldn't even begin to imagine how it would be when it wasn't just his finger. But he wanted it. "Blair?"

Pulling his hand back slowly, Jim grabbed for the condom and prepared himself carefully. Kissing Blair's back, he snugged himself up behind Blair, placing his erect cock at Blair's opening. "Ready, love?"

With infinite care, Jim pushed forward, feeling the guardian muscle spasm around him as he entered Blair. Blair hissed as the rings gave way, and Jim froze. A minute later, Blair relaxed and Jim slid further in, waiting each time he moved forward until Blair had relaxed. Finally he was buried within Blair. It almost hurt, the need to thrust, to slam himself in and out of his lover. Jim was never sure how he managed to wait until Blair pushed back onto him. But he did, holding himself still until Blair told him to move.

Then, ah, then he was free to feel, to experience the wonder of being within Blair. Even through latex, he could feel Blair's blood moving, the pulsing contractions of the muscle fibers surrounding him. Slowly, he slid out until just the tip of his cock was within Blair, then just as slowly thrust forward, keeping that rhythm until Blair began to push back violently, begging him to move faster, harder. Given that permission, he did what he'd longed to do. He poured himself into loving his Guide.

Blair's gasps as he moved within his body, the moans and sounds of pleasure that he made, were a feast for Jim's ears. Touch, scent, the sight of Blair's skin, glistening with sweat as they moved together. All his senses but taste were wrapped up in the man he loved. Leaning forward as he thrust, he lapped at Blair's back, savoring the flavor. Blair shuddered under his tongue, and Jim laughed from the sheer joy of what they were doing. His hand swept across Blair's hip to curl around his lover's erection, and his voice was rough as he spoke.

Blair howled and spasmed around him, even as hot fluid jetted across his hand. Jim thrust again, wildly, raggedly, as Blair's pleasure ripped his own climax from him. They lay together, gasping, for a long moment. Blair shifted and Jim eased out of him, regretting it. But when Blair turned to face him, his eyes clear and full of love, and kissed him, it was worth it. It was worth it all.

The rest of the day was spent together, as it should be, as it always should have been. Jim vowed, watching the shifting expressions on the face he'd so missed as they sat before the fire late that night, that it would always be that way.

Across the city, a bright, talented young doctor prepared for his first day at Conover, full of enthusiasm and new ideas for the treatment of the criminally insane.

Sighing, Blair leaned backwards, laying his head against the elevator wall as the car rose toward Major Crimes. Closing his eyes, he wondered why he had ever thought time and a degree would make a difference. Most of the PD still saw him as the fraud who had betrayed Jim Ellison, and nothing he did seemed to make a difference.

At least Major Crimes still accepted him, he thought. The few new people had quickly learned not to object to him, at least not where any of the core group could hear. He grinned suddenly at the image of Rafe's face when he'd overheard Parkins. His pretty-boy looks notwithstanding, Brian Rafe was a good man to have on your side. Blair'd thought Parkins was about to have a heart attack when Rafe had jumped down his throat. But he'd come around, eventually.

The elevator drew to a stop and Blair pushed his body upright, schooling himself to calmness. Stepping off the car, he looked through the doorway, spotting Jim in Simon's office. Shrugging, he turned toward the breakroom, wanting a cup of tea. He smiled as he entered the room.

Jeff Parkins looked up from the file he was studying and smiled back. "Hi, Blair. Wasn't sure you were coming in today."

Blair shrugged. "I was downstairs this morning. It's Traffic's turn to decide they don't want to hear what I'm saying."

The young detective frowned. "It's still going over like that, then? Look, Blair, I know I was as bad as any of them, but it didn't take long to realize that whatever went down a year and a half ago wasn't what it looked like. You've been working with the uniforms for two months now."

Parkins nodded. "That did help," he admitted. "Maybe we ought to send him down to have a word with them?"

Shaking his head, Blair poured hot water into his mug, dunking the tea bag. "Nah, man. I appreciate the thought, but it's not that important. They don't have to like me to follow the guidelines of the programs I'm developing."

"No, they don't." Parkins took a swallow of his coffee. "But they'd be a lot more likely to, if they did, and you know it."

Blair sipped his tea, looking over the edge at Parkins. "Yeah. But how do I make them, man? Like me? I don't need that. Respect would be nice, but I can't seem to get that either. And we all know why."

The detective shook his head. "It's really a shame, that's all." He stood, shuffling his folders together. "I need to get back in there and see if I can track some things down."

Blair swallowed the rest of his tea and stood. "I'm heading in too." Following Parkins out of the break room, he walked beside him down the hall. As they turned to go into the bullpen, Blair touched his shoulder.

Nodding, the young man headed to his desk. Blair watched him, then turned toward Simon's office. It would work out, he thought stubbornly. Even if he had no idea how.

Jim woke early, smiling as he reached over to turn the alarm off. Turning back to Blair, he savored the chance to watch his lover sleep. The early light coming through the skylight made Blair's face glow, deepening the shadows cast by his features. Jim frowned as he noticed the lines still present as Blair slept.

They shouldn't be there, he thought. Those were worry lines, new and bothersome to the Sentinel. He knew what had made them, of course. No fool, Jim was staying out of it as Blair had asked. But he heard the talk, the gossip, the nasty comments and jokes. Blair had been wrong, he thought miserably. It did matter. It would always be there, always hanging over them. Blair was setting up a damn good program, an award-winning community relations program, and all the damn uniforms could see was the press conference.

He closed his eyes, willing the tension out of his body. His anger would only upset his Guide. His instincts to protect Blair were useless here, and as much as Jim hated it, he knew Blair had been right to tell him to keep out of it. His interference would only make things worse. If Blair was going to win acceptance from the Cascade PD, he'd have to do it on his own. Jim just wished he knew how. Three months was long enough, wasn't it?

Opening his eyes, he hissed in exasperation as he realized that he'd lost the time he'd had to watch Blair. Hating it, he disentangled himself carefully from the sleeping man and headed downstairs to get ready for work.

Showered, shaved and dressed, he sat on the bed next to Blair, reaching out to touch his face. Blair mumbled something and turned toward Jim's hand, making the Sentinel smile.

"Guilty as charged," Jim admitted. "I'm heading over to that stable first, to talk to the groom and see if he noticed anyone around the night that racer got poisoned. Then I'll go into the station."

Jim smiled. "You have to ask?" he teased. "Always. But I don't need you to come along this morning. I've got a meeting with Simon that'll probably go 'til lunch. This is the first day you haven't had a CR meeting for weeks, stay home and sleep in."

Blair stretched, making Jim wish he could stay home too. The wicked look in Blair's eyes made it plain that was the idea. Jim shook his head. "Mean, Chief."

Blair nodded, already drifting back to sleep even as he met Jim's kiss. Standing, Jim studied him for a minute, then sighed and turned to go. Duty called.

Blair's second awakening was far less pleasant than his first. He clawed his way out of sleep to the insistent ringing of his cell phone, which lay on the table beside the bed. Snarling at it, he answered.

"And good morning to you, too, Simon. What are you talking about? Jim left," he glanced over at the clock, "hours ago."

Blair forced down the immediate apprehension that leapt from the pit of his stomach. "Simon? He didn't show up at work?"

"Oh." Blair closed his eyes briefly. Jim was fine, his mind insisted. "He was going to stop by Roseview. That racing stable? Then go to the station."

"I'll meet you there." Blair hung up before Simon could protest. The police Captain knew it wouldn't work, but he seemed obligated to do it anyway. Throwing back the covers, he jumped out of bed, pulling clothing on quickly. Twisting his hair back, he clipped it into place, then headed to the bathroom briefly. He was out the door five minutes after Simon's call, all the while hearing that voice insisting that Jim was fine. He had to be fine. He'd just... gotten hung up somewhere and lost track of what time it was.

On the drive to Roseview Stables, he refused to listen to the other voice in his head. But it got louder with every mile, culminating in a scream as he pulled in the long drive to see Jim's truck parked, empty, near the stable door. Simon's car was next to it, and Blair could see the big man standing in the stableyard, another man gesturing as he talked.

Pulling the Saturn beside Jim's truck, he got out, heading straight for Simon. The Captain flicked a glance at him as he arrived, then returned his attention to the horse handler.

"Yeah, he was here," the groom said. "Bright and early this morning, he was. Said something about having an important meeting later. Looked around for a bit, then a woman showed up. Pretty thing, she was. Knew him, that was clear. Funny thing, he didn't seem all that happy to see her, but then he went off with her nice as you please. Didn't even ask if I minded his truck here, which I do. I'm getting a hay delivery today, and it's right in front of the chute."

Simon grumbled at him, then turned his attention back to the stableman as he answered.

"Tall, blond hair, nice figure, but too thin, if you ask me. Pale. No tan to her at all. I like a woman who looks like she's in the sun a bit, myself." The man grinned. "That's it! I knew she reminded me of someone. That Seven of Eight, or Eight of Nine, or whatever she is. The one on Voyager."

Blair gasped, his heart pounding. He raised despairing eyes to Simon, knowing that the Captain would recognize the description too. They'd all had trouble watching the Star Trek spin-off once the Borg character had been introduced. The actress bore all too striking a resemblance to...

"Alex Barnes." Simon's voice was flat. He turned to the groom. "Thanks. You've been very helpful. I'll send someone out to pick up the truck." Looking back at Blair, his voice softened. "Come on, Sandburg. We need to get back to the station and find out how she got loose."

Blair looked at him numbly as his mind processed the words, then he nodded and turned to his car. Following Simon's vehicle automatically, he struggled with the concept. Alex was out. They hadn't been told. And... she had Jim.

Jim studied the stable closely, dimly registering the sound of a car pulling up the drive, a vague unease filling him. He wasn't sure why. The case was odd enough, since they were investigating the attempted poisoning of a horse rather than a person. Not the type of thing that normally fell into Major Crimes' purview, but the horse's owner was a friend of the Commissioner. The clues they had led nowhere, and the last possible witness, the groom outside, hadn't seen anything. Straightening from a closer look at the stall the horse had been in, Jim sighed. Simon had really wanted a lead on this. Jim hated to disappoint his friend.

Shaking his head, he began to turn around, only to stop dead as a hated voice spoke.

Deliberately he finished his turn, looking at the woman before him with contempt. "Alex. When did you get out of Conover?"

The blonde woman laughed lightly. "So happy to see me, Detective." Her voice was filled with amused irony. "Ah," she said as Jim reached for his gun. "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"And why not?" he asked, resting his hand on the grip. Something within him screamed for caution. Insane or not, Alex Barnes had never been a fool. To confront him with no weapon in sight meant nothing.

She smiled and Jim felt his gut clench at the malice that filled the expression. Her voice was conversational, the threat obvious.

Jim felt his heart skip a beat. From the way the other Sentinel's smile widened, she heard it. He swallowed hard. "If you've hurt him..."

"Good. This way, Jim. Nice and easy, as if we're the best of friends. Put your guns in the car trunk, and get in the driver's seat. Got it?"

Hating it, Jim did as he was told. The woman had killed Blair once. She wouldn't hesitate to do it again. Even if he took her in, that was no guarantee of Blair's safety. She was bound to have accomplices. Fuming, he followed the directions he gave, driving deep into an almost abandoned section of Cascade before he was told to park the car.

She laughed as he growled in frustration, then slid out of the car. "Come along, Jim," she ordered. Having no choice, he again did as he was told. Walking in front of her, he balked as he was directed down a dark flight of stairs. She shrugged, studying him for a minute.

"I guess he's not as important to you as I thought he was. You're free to go, if you want. Just remember, it was your choice."

He looked at her steady eyes, seeing no doubt, no real caring in them. Did she have Blair? It didn't matter, he thought despairingly. He'd let her kill Blair once. He'd be damned if he'd let her do it again. Turning, he headed down the stairway, feeling her close behind him.

Having made his choice, he didn't hesitate when he was told to lie down on a thinly padded table. He flinched at the touch of cold metal on his ankles as she clicked the cuffs into place, securing his legs over the edge. She pulled his hands over his head, chaining them as well.

She stopped for a moment and looked at him. Her gaze seemed almost sane, and he found himself wishing that things had been different. He wasn't drawn to her like he had been, and he was grateful for that. But what had happened to her could so easily have been his fate, without Blair.

She shook her head, the brief sanity gone. Reaching over his chest, she pulled a wide leather band over him, buckling it tightly, holding him to the surface he lay on. Reaching out, she laid a hand along his face lightly.

"I'm not going to kill you. Not unless you make me. But you owe me. We would have been so good together, you and I."

She smiled. "Maybe not." Turning, she reached for a bag from the counter along the basement wall. Rummaging within it, she continued to speak. "Did you wonder how I got out?"

"A very nice young doctor. Foolish, but nice. It didn't take long to convince him that all the other doctors were wrong when they said I was incurable. Too bad I had to kill him."

She turned around, and Jim's blood chilled at the sight of her holding a full syringe. What was she going to give him? He strained against his restraints as she came closer.

"I did, actually." Her voice cooled as he fought to pull his arm out of her grip. "This will work just as well if I put it in your stomach. But it will hurt a lot more than if it goes in your vein. Trust me on that."

He looked up at her, seeing the absolute truth in her eyes. She would inject him, anywhere she could. She sighed and moved toward his abdomen. Suddenly he stilled. He could only believe that she was telling the truth when she said she wasn't going to kill him. Whatever this stuff did, he could survive it. He couldn't survive losing Blair.

The needle stung, going into his arm. But the injection burned like liquid fire running through his veins. He gasped as she withdrew the needle. "What *is* that?"

"Hurts, doesn't it?" Her voice was not unsympathetic. "Better in the vein, though. You made a wise decision."

He stared at her, watching as her image blurred and her voice faded in and out. "What...? Why...?"

"It's a psychotropic drug. It can cause hallucinations, some other things too. And then there's the reason I gave it to you."

She ran a hand teasingly across his stomach, and to his horror, he responded to the touch. She laughed, low and sultry.

"Figured it out yet?" Reaching for his pants, she undid the buttons, reaching in as he moaned denial. "Oh, yes," she said as his penis hardened beneath her fingers. "I want a baby, Jim Ellison. Our little Sentinel child."

He struggled, then, against the chains, against the drug-induced desire. He fought, as hard as he could, to stop her. But he failed.

When she was done with him, he lay still, spent and exhausted, not sure which hurt more, the pain in his body or the ache in his heart. Remnants of the drug still ran in his veins, bringing waves of disorientation upon him. How long had it been? He wasn't sure, but she had taken him more than once. He struggled to remember, to clear his thoughts.

She was standing beside the table he lay on, studying him with cool eyes. He met her gaze, then looked away, flinching as her hand fell on him again.

"Oh, we're done for now," she said, her voice amused. "I thought I'd do some sight-seeing. There are places in this city that I remember as being very beautiful. A particularly lovely fountain, for one."

He felt bile rising in his throat at the words. Glaring at her, he summoned all his strength to fight against his bonds, knowing even as he did that it would be useless. She shook her head.

"Do be good while I'm gone," she advised. "Or perhaps I'll take a companion with me, on my tour."

He relaxed his muscles, lying back against the thin padding beneath him. It stank of sweat and... other things. He exhaled through his nose, seeking calm. She turned to go, and he forced himself to speak, hating to ask her for anything, but knowing he had to.

"Hmm. I suppose you do need to replenish your fluids," she smiled. He closed his eyes, hearing the trickle of liquid into plastic. She held a straw to his lips and he sucked greedily. Refilling the container, she left it beside his head, bending the straw so he could reach it. He hesitated before speaking again, then decided it would be less humiliating to ask than let her find him if he didn't.

She turned away, reaching for something on the counter behind his head. "You pass," she said. "I wondered if you could make yourself ask."

He stared at the ceiling as she held the portable urinal for him, feeling self-hatred as his penis stirred once more at her touch. When he finished, she pulled the urinal away, dumping it down the sink in the counter. Wiping him gently, she stroked a finger lightly along his length.

"Hold that thought," she said, pulling away as he began to harden, the drug's effect still too strong to fight. "I'll be back later."

Refusing to answer her, he lay there as she walked up the stairs. Listening as she pulled away, he tried to think of a way to escape, to find Blair. His mind whirled as exhaustion pulled him under, and he drifted into a shallow sleep.

Blair wiped at tired eyes, then peered at the computer screen again. He'd been trying for hours to figure out some way of tracking Alex, of finding where she had Jim. But he was no closer than he'd been at the start. Absently, he reached out for his coffee cup, surprised when it was pulled away from his hand. Looking up, he scowled at Simon, who just frowned back at him.

The big man shook his head, and Blair felt the tiny hope crumple. He closed his eyes briefly, opening them to look up at the police Captain.

"It's been eight hours since we got to the station, Sandburg. You haven't left this chair. Rhonda's been bringing you coffee on a half-hour basis, and I know you haven't eaten a thing all day. All you've been doing is staring at that computer screen."

"I didn't think so. Come on, Blair." Simon's voice gentled. "Take a break. Get something to eat, so your blood sugar is still detectable. Then you can get a fresh start."

Blair sighed, then nodded, the compassion in Simon's voice nearly his undoing. They both knew what Alex had been capable of before, but God only (and Jim? his mind screamed) knew what she would do now. Shutting the computer down, he grabbed his jacket and followed Simon to the elevator.

Simon nodded as he ushered Blair into the waiting car. "I know, Sandburg. I know."

Neither man noticed the uniformed officer walking down the hallway behind them. The elevator doors closed, blocking the look of surprise on his face as he overheard their words.

The car drew smoothly to a halt on the first floor. Blair stepped out, Simon in his wake as the two men headed for the front door to the police station. Halfway across the street, the deli ahead calling their names, Simon stumbled. Blair tried to steady him, then realized he was falling too. Sprawled on the pavement, they stared at each other with wide eyes as the city danced around them.

Simon swore first, his eyes darting to the top of the parking garage in front of them. Pointing, he pulled Blair roughly to his feet, both men staggering as the pavement moved beneath them. Following Simon's lead, Blair paled as he saw the swaying concrete above them. Stumbling, they made their way to the relative safety of the building's shadow.

Sirens screamed around them, wails of the city's fear. Huddled against the building, Blair breathed a sigh of relief as the earth became still again. Looking at Simon, he smiled wanly. "Let me guess? Food just got cancelled."

Blair nodded once. "Yeah." He looked over at the PD. "We'd better get back there. This is going to take everybody we've got."

Simon opened his mouth, then closed it without speaking. He turned away from Blair, heading for the police station at a rapid trot. Heartsick, Blair followed.

Caught off guard by the rolling street under her car's tires, Alex fought with the wheel to stabilize the vehicle. She'd almost succeeded when another car spun out of its lane, driving her into a telephone pole head-on.

Jim snapped into awareness as the building moved around him, thinking at first his queasiness was another effect of the drug. As he struggled not to vomit, the water next to him rolled off the table, falling to the floor. Listening to the fluid gurgle out of the container, he realized that the table was shaking too. The building groaned as the earthquake shook its bones, and the Sentinel lay chained and helpless beneath it.

Blair groaned as he woke, his body stiff and creaking as he tried to turn over. Simon's couch had been the closest horizontal surface when his body had decided to fall down, and he had been grateful at the time, but the way his back felt now, he'd have been better off on the floor. Sitting up, he looked at his watch and took a deep, shuddering breath. It was five in the morning. He'd been asleep for two hours. From the bustle he heard out in the bullpen, he might be lucky to have gotten that much. And... Alex still had Jim.

With the earthquake paralyzing the city, there just hadn't been the manpower or the time to keep searching for Jim. Blair felt desperately guilty about that, but he knew the Sentinel would have been the first to tell him to help the civilians first. Blair huffed a tiny laugh at that. He was a civilian, he guessed. It just had been a very long time since he'd thought of himself that way.

But if Jim was gone... He growled, low in his throat and stood up. Jim *wasn't* gone. He was out there and Blair *would* find him. Just as soon as he could.

Moving through Simon's office, he pulled open the door on the chaos beyond. Taking another deep breath, he plunged into it. The sooner this was dealt with, the sooner he could look for Jim.

Collapsed buildings, with people trapped inside, fires, blackouts and water main breaks. Gas lines spewing poison into the air, vandalism, roads blocked with sinkholes and chunks of mangled concrete that used to be skyscrapers. That was what filled Blair's day. His community relations programs proved their worth, as people who once hid from cops came out to help them, to tell the uniformed officers of trapped neighbors. Teens who would have been among the vandals now were helping stop the vandalism. If the circumstances had been different, Blair would have been elated. As it was, he was just grimly proud. And terrified, beneath it all.

The breaking point came late in the day, over thirty-six hours since Jim's kidnapping. Blair had finally gotten a sandwich into his stomach and was sitting in the break room, gathering himself up to go back to work. Simon came in, his face grey with exhaustion.

Blair looked over at him, his face paling. "Simon? They've found Jim. He's dead, isn't he?"

"No. That's not it. They haven't found Jim." Simon sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face. "Before the quake, we sent out descriptions to the hospitals, remember? Of Alex."

"They've finally had a chance to look at them, it seems. Paramedics pulled her out of a crashed car late last night. She's at CG."

"What do you mean, she doesn't know?" Blair pushed his chair back and began to pace. "She took him. Of course she knows. Simon, I've got to get over there and find out where Jim is."

Simon's quiet voice brought Blair to a standstill. The anthropologist stared at the slumped man sitting at the table, shaking his head as Simon spoke again.

"She hit her head in the car crash. She's got amnesia. The last she remembers, she was still in Conover."

Jim lifted his head as the building creaked again above him, then let it fall back. It wasn't like there was anything he could do, if it started to fall on him. At least it seemed to be abandoned, and he hadn't had to listen to screams or moans from anyone trapped in the crumpled upper stories. He tried to calculate how long it had been since the earthquake, but the darkness around him and the confusion left by the last remnants of the drug made it impossible. At least twenty-four hours, he thought. Maybe more.

Had Alex been killed by the earthquake, or had she just decided to move on? They couldn't have caught her. Blair would have been here by now. He shook his head, trying to shake the fuzziness off. No, she had Blair too. Simon, then. Unless he was too busy dealing with the quake. Jim could still hear the sirens wailing.

He shrugged as best he could in his restraints. If they found him, it had to be soon.

He had long since turned his sense of smell off. The stench of stale sex sullied the air, joined not long ago by the sharpness of the urine he could no longer hold. He laughed, dimly aware of the irony. He'd wanted to be spared that. But the unpleasant odors weren't the reason he'd stopped smelling the air around him. The almost dry puddle of water beneath the table had taunted him, driving him crazy with thirst.

He toyed with the idea of turning all of them off. Drifting away into unawareness, escaping the only way he could. It was tempting. Almost he gave in, but the image of Blair floated before him. If Alex had lied, Blair would be looking for him. If not, then it was up to him to save Blair. Somehow, he *would* get out of this. He just wished he had any idea of how.

Blair walked with determination through the hospital corridor, Simon trailing behind him slightly. The Captain was shaking his head. Blair ignored the muttered comments, knowing that no matter how much Simon protested, he would support the anthropologist in this. He'd already proved that.

Oblivious to the two cops standing guard outside Alex Barnes' room, he pushed open the door, stepping inside. Stopping just within, he stared at the woman who lay propped up in the single bed, her hands cuffed to the railings beside her. She was still beautiful, he thought. But that beauty no longer had the power to move him in any way. Not even to pity.

She looked up, arching an eyebrow as she saw him. "Blair. And the good Captain."

The mad Sentinel shook her head. "I assume you mean Detective Ellison. I'm not sure why you think I'd know."

"Sandburg," Simon warned. Neither of the other two people in the room heard him. Alex smiled at Blair.

She laughed, full of silvery amusement. "I truly don't know, Blair. That's a shame, really. I'm sure I enjoyed whatever it is I did to him."

Simon caught Blair as he started forward, holding him back until he stopped fighting the restraint. "Come on, Sandburg," he growled as he pulled the smaller man out of the hospital room. Blair went reluctantly, glancing over his shoulder at the still-laughing woman. Back in the corridor, Simon released his grip.

Blair nodded, clenching his fists by his sides and breathing deeply. "She knows just which ones to use, Simon."

"I know. But she really doesn't remember, at least that's what the doctors say. This isn't going to get us anywhere."

"Maybe not. But, damnit, Simon, what else do we have?" Blair's eyes widened suddenly. "That's it!"

"You know how I can help Jim remember things?" At Simon's cautious nod, Blair went on. "It should work with Alex too."

"No, Sandburg. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you have to be in contact with her, have to trust her to some degree. She has to trust you, right?"

Blair shrugged, his face blank, his shoulders slumped. "I don't know." He looked up at Simon. "But Jim is out there, Simon. I've got to try."

The Sentinel looked up at Simon. "How? I'm already being shipped back to Conover as soon as the doctors say I can travel. I'm on a life sentence there, remember? I don't want him poking around in my brain."

Blair looked over at Simon, his heart sinking at the tiny shake of the big man's head. Turning, he stumbled out into the hallway. Faintly he heard Simon's voice, telling Alex to contact them if she changed her mind. Leaning against the wall, he rested his forehead on his arm. Simon's hand curled, warm and gentle, around his shoulder.

Blair nodded, pulling himself upright. "Yeah." Squaring his shoulders, he started walking toward the elevator. "I just hope it's in time."

Blair sighed as he crossed off another section of town. Dully he wondered if what he was doing made any sense, let alone was the brilliant idea it had seemed when he first thought of it. Trace the area around where Alex's car had been found, section off neighborhoods, and try to think like a Sentinel. An insane Sentinel, at that.

And God, what if she'd been driving longer than Blair had estimated? The car had been cold when it was found, but that was long after the quake, so that didn't factor into it. Jim could be anywhere. This was a waste of time. It was useless.

Rubbing his eyes, he sagged against his chair, dropping his head onto the map in front of him. Breathing deeply for a minute, he tried to ground himself. It might be useless, he thought, but it was all they had. All he had. Lifting his head, he peered at the map again, pulling on his memory of what the streets contained.

Rhonda stepped up beside him and handed him a sandwich. He looked up at her and smiled.

He shook his head. "Not really. I'm just going on instinct here, Rhonda, and I have no clues at all."

She sat down beside him, looking at the map for a minute before speaking. Her eyes lifted with the first word, catching him off guard.

"Your instinct, Blair Sandburg, is worth a lot more than the years and training of a lot of cops out there. More than that, you want and need to solve this. So, where do you think Jim is?"

"So every building, every alleyway, has been looked at? Think about it from another angle. Why *would* he be there?"

Blair opened his mouth to say 'he wouldn't', then closed it again. Staring into space, he nodded.

"It's an old business district, which means most of the buildings are abandoned. So, quiet, and no one near to take notice of what you're doing."

"It's within about ten minutes of where Alex crashed her car. And only about twenty minutes from the stable."

He looked back at Rhonda, his eyes glowing with excitement. "There's one apartment building in the whole area. It's abandoned too - that means she could use it, and once the businesses shut down at five, there would be no one around." He leaned forward and hugged her. "That's got to be it!"

He jumped up and ran from the room, yelling for Simon, never hearing the quiet whisper of "God, I hope so" from Rhonda.

The car pulled up in front of the old apartment building and Blair felt his heart sink as he looked at the wreckage. If Jim was in there... he shook his head. He had to be right. Jim had been missing for over forty-eight hours. They had to find him soon. He looked over at Simon's doubtful face.

Getting out of the car, he waited for Simon. Together, the two men walked slowly to the front door, breathing a sigh of relief that the jamb was still stable enough to let the door open. Blair stepped into the darkened lobby, peering around as Simon pulled out a flashlight.

Blair shrugged. "I don't know, Simon. But... shine the light over there." He hissed as the beam hit a twisted flight of stairs leading upward. "If he's up there, we'll never get to him. So... let's hope that like the snake she is, she went underground."

Heading for the other doorway, he stood at the top of the long stairwell, trying to see down it. "Jim?" he called. "Jim?"

There was no answer. Blair sighed and started down the stairs, praying they were stable. Simon followed carefully after him, cursing under his breath. The stairs creaked, but held firm. Blair focused on them, surprised when he came to the bottom. Lifting his head, he moved the flashlight beam forward.

He came off the last step, Simon crowding behind him. Blair's eyes were fixed upon the sight before him, and he could barely breathe as he walked forward. Jim lay bound tightly, blood streaking his arms and ankles around the shackles that held him. His head was turned away from them, and his chest was still. Blair reached out slowly to touch him, almost sobbing as he felt movement under his fingers.

Jim jerked violently, trying to pull away from him, and it was only then that Blair noticed the wide band holding his chest down. He reached out, trying to calm the writhing Sentinel.

The struggling form stilled, and Jim turned his head to face them. "Ch - Chief?"

"She..." Jim swallowed, cutting off his words. Blair moved his hands and began to undo Jim's bonds.

"She's in the hospital, Jim." Blair kept his tone light, biting back the anguished pain he felt at what he was seeing. "She was in a car accident during the earthquake. She hit her head and doesn't remember kidnapping you, or anything she did to you."

Jim was silent, his jaw jumping. Blair flashed an appeal to Simon, who nodded. "No one knows what she did to you, Jim. No one."

Jim nodded slowly. "Someone will have to," he whispered finally, his eyes fixed on the ceiling as Blair tenderly cleaned him and fastened his pants. "She... she wanted to get pregnant."

"You need to go to the hospital anyway," Simon said. "We'll talk to the doctor who sees you, get a pregnancy test ordered on her. It may not be a problem."

Blair and Simon supported him, and soon he sat on the edge of the table, breathing heavily as his body protested movement. Blair noticed the sink and ran some water, grateful that the pipes were working. Jim thanked him, drinking carefully. When he was done with the water, they got him to his feet and slowly the three men made their way to the top of the stairs. Blair knew there was a lot to be dealt with, but he couldn't help the elation as they emerged into the daylight. Jim was safe. He would be okay.

Blair lay beneath Jim, moaning as the Sentinel nipped and licked at his erect nipples. He could feel Jim smiling against his skin and bucked upward, pushing his hips into Jim's, enjoying the other man's gasp as their cocks rubbed against each other.

"It's been so long," he managed to say, squirming under Jim's talented hands and mouth.

"Too long," Jim agreed, moving up to lick at his neck. "I hate staying in the hospital."

"You - oh! - needed the fluids." Blair tilted his head, exposing his neck to Jim's teeth. Jim chuckled and nipped at his Adam's apple, making him moan again. Nibbling, Jim moved up his neck, finally claiming his lips in a long kiss. Blair wrapped his arms around his lover, holding him securely, and rolled them over. Straddling his hips, he sat upward, wanting to see Jim as well as feel him.

The Sentinel stiffened, then began pushing frantically at Blair. "Off. Off!" he demanded, bucking against Blair. Shocked, it took a moment for Blair to understand. "Oh, God," he moaned as he scrambled off of Jim to kneel on the other side of the bed, barely evading a wild blow as Jim thrashed in panic. Cursing himself, he reached out to Jim.

"Jim! Calm down, all right? I'm so sorry, I didn't think. God, I'm so stupid! Jim! It's going to be okay."

"Is it?" The Sentinel's face was anguished, his body tight as he sat up. "Can you really tell me that, Chief?"

"Yeah." Blair nodded. "I can. Because you're home now. We're both home. We're where we belong, Jim. And as long as that's the truth, then it's going to be okay."

"Blair, I was... She *raped* me! And now, I can't even," Jim shook his head. "I can't even make love to you."

Blair hid his own pain, his anger at what had been done to Jim, behind a calm face. The doctor had told him that Jim needed his strength, not for him to fall apart. "You were doing okay until I made a stupid move, Jim. This is my fault, not yours. I should have known better."

"We'll get through it. I promise you that." Blair reached out, holding his lover to him as Jim shook, unable to cry, unable to move past this. He held Jim until the Sentinel fell asleep, only then able to release his tears.

Exchanging looks, the two rose to answer Simon's call. It was only Jim's second day back, although Blair had returned to work two days after finding Jim to a surprisingly pleasant series of classes. Maybe it was the results of the earthquake showing the merits of his programs, Blair thought distantly as they entered Simon's office. Or maybe Jeff Parkins was right. Maybe it was the frantic search for his partner. That was something the uniforms could understand, after all. Although how they knew what was going on... He shrugged.

"It wasn't a request." Simon waited until both Sentinel and Guide were seated, then took his own chair. "The test was negative."

Blair glanced over at Jim, who shrugged, then back at Simon. "We're okay. There are... issues we have to deal with, but we're okay. This news, the test being negative? That helps."

Simon chewed on his cigar for a minute, studying them. "What would you have done if it had been positive?"

"Set up a nursery," Blair said at the same time as Jim's "What the hell?" filled the room. Jim looked over at Blair.

"We'd have set up a nursery, Jim. If Alex had gotten pregnant, it still would have been *your* baby. And none of this would have been that baby's fault."

"Well, short of that, who else would have been suited to raise that child? It would have been almost certain to be a Sentinel, Jim."

Blair grinned over at him. "And it's not like there'll be lots of chances for me to raise your kid, Jim!"

Jim smiled reluctantly back. Blair reached out to take his hand, for the moment forgetting Simon's presence as his face became serious.

"Jim. I'm not sorry it's not going to happen. It would have been a terrible start. But if it had? Everybody deserves a place where they belong. And you're real good at making that type of place."

Jim blinked rapidly, clenching his fingers around Blair's. "Not me, Chief. Never me. I belong where you are."