What Blair Did For Jim by Carol

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"Yeah, I don't know why I'm so nervous. It's not like I've never played poker with the guys before."

"It will be fine, Jim. These are our friends. I don't think they'll be upset if we hold hands, or hug each other. Just none of that tongue stuff, that might gross them out."

"Gotcha, I think I can control myself." Jim carefully manoeuvred his wheelchair into the small kitchen. "I'm getting a beer, can I grab you one too, Chief?"

"Not for me, thanks. I'll wait 'til everyone comes before I have one. And Jim, the regular beers are on the right side of the second shelf."

"Stop fussing, man. Yes, I've looked after everything; beer, soda, munchies, and the pizza will be delivered in about an hour and a half."

"Blair!" Jim's free hand was waving in he air, a mannerism Blair had come to know well in the last few weeks. He rushed to Jim's side and knelt beside the wheelchair.

"It's okay, Jim. It's okay. I'm right here beside you. Let me take the bottle from you, I'll just set it down on the counter." Blair stroked Jim's face, and gradually calmed him down.

"My senses are fine. I was just feeling sorry for myself. I know I'm making progress, but this is just so frustrating."

"You seem to have more use of your hands since the last time I was here. How about your eyes and your legs?"

"I'm starting to be able to differentiate between light and dark, and I've got a bit of feeling in my legs. I just hate being so dependent. I'm at the point where I'd just be happy to be able to either see or walk."

Simon grabbed Jim's shoulder. "You shouldn't get discouraged. Every time I come over I see progress. That first night, when you were so sick, well, it really is amazing Jim, how far you've come."

"Thanks Simon. I hear the rest of the gang coming up the walk. I'm ready to play, how about you?" . . .

"Yes, I think it did. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. And you certainly surprised everybody when we brought out the Braille cards. You look tired. Are you going to bed now?" Jim nodded and made his way to the washroom. "Need a hand?"

"But I think you like to fall asleep with the two of us wrapped up in each others arms." Blair interrupted. "And for once I'm all caught up, no marking or prep work to keep me up late."

In a little while Jim was asleep, but Blair was unable to fall asleep right away. As he lay in the bed, still being tightly hugged by the larger man, he remembered how it had all started. He remembered why they were living in a small married students apartment on campus. And he remembered the first morning in the apartment, when he had awoken to find Jim kissing him ardently.

"You don't have to knock, Jim. Just come in." Blair responded to the knock on his office door. "Oh, Simon. It's Jim, isn't it? What happened?" Blair was startled to see the captain enter the room. He immediately knew that it had to be bad news.

"Jim collapsed, and he's been taken to the hospital. He said earlier that your car was in the shop, so I thought I'd come by and give you a lift."

"Thanks. You can tell me what happened on the way." Blair just took the time to grab his jacket, then the two men quickly made their way to Simon's car.

"I don't know too many details. I let Jim off early since that bad cold of his was making him pretty miserable. He was walking by the main campus cafeteria when he took ill. Someone called an ambulance and the hospital contacted me when they checked his wallet for identification."

"Yeah, he phoned to let me know he was on his way. His cold is nasty, but other than that he wasn't that sick. Simon, I'm scared."

"Jim's a fighter, Blair. I'm sure that he'll be okay. Maybe he just reacted to some medication?"

In a few minutes they reached the hospital. Blair sat down in a chair in the emergency room waiting area while Simon went to the desk to ask if they had any information. He returned with some forms to be filled out, but no update on Jim's condition. "They're still working on him, Blair. They'll let us know as soon as they have any news." Blair shook his head, and began filling out the papers.

"Can you phone his brother and father? I don't want to leave, in case the doctor comes out with some news about Jim."

"Sure." Simon took the scrap of paper on which Blair had hastily written down the contact numbers. "I'm being paged, so I have to make some calls anyway. I'll be back as soon as possible. Can I bring you something?"

When Simon returned to the waiting area he stopped at the desk and spoke to a nurse. She listened to what he had to say, then quickly disappeared.

"What's going on, Simon? What did you have to say that made that nurse take off so fast?"

Simon handed Blair a Styrofoam cup. "It's tea, I thought you needed something." Simon sipped his cup of coffee. "I've been in contact with Rafe and Henri. This has become a criminal investigation. I was just letting the medical staff know that it's been confirmed, Jim was poisoned with arsenic."

"What! That's crazy!" Blair shook his head in disbelief, and absently drank his hot beverage.

"Jim bought a cup of coffee from the vending machine just outside the cafeteria. Within minutes of drinking it he was unconscious. We found arsenic in the water reservoir."

"Wouldn't other people have taken ill? That vending machine is constantly in use."

"The university health services said they've treated several students and staff with flu-like symptoms over the past two weeks. They suffered from diarrhoea, nausea, and vomiting, common flu symptoms. There was no reason to suspect that tainted coffee was the culprit. I'm curious, why did Jim get so violently sick when the others didn't, and why didn't he realize something was wrong before he drank the whole cup of coffee? Surely he would have noticed the metallic taste."

"His cold was playing havoc with his senses, he couldn't smell or taste properly. I guess being a sentinel makes him more sensitive to poison."

"Blair, hopefully now that they know what's wrong, it will help the doctors treating Jim."

"No, apparently they're both out of town on business. I left messages with their offices, and they will be contacted. Do you want something to eat, or another drink?"

Several hours later a doctor came out of the back area, spoke to the triage nurse, and made his way over to where Simon and Blair were anxiously sitting, awaiting any news.

"No, his brother and father are out of town, but I'm Blair Sandburg, and I'm listed as having his medical power of attorney. Blair pointed to Simon, "And Simon Banks is his friend, and superior on the police force."

"Okay, then. Mr. Ellison is in critical condition. I'm sorry, but I don't expect him to survive the night."

Simon and Blair stared at the doctor in shock. "I didn't realize he was that ill. You know that he was poisoned, can't you just flush the arsenic out of his system?" Blair stammered.

"No, I wish it was that simple. Arsenic is an element that is naturally found in all of our tissues, there's no way of completely ridding the body of it. His stomach has been pumped and we have him on medication, but it's unlikely that it will be effective. He's in a coma, and he has liver, kidney, and heart problems. He's in the ICU right now. I'll take you there, and your access to him won't be restricted. though I'd prefer if no more than two people at a time were in there with him."

Numbly Simon and Blair followed the doctor to the ICU area. "I want to warn you, before you see your friend, you'll be shocked at the changes you'll see. He's hooked up to a lot of equipment, and he's very ill." They nodded their understanding, but they were both stunned when they saw Jim.

"Is he your friend?" A nurse came up beside them, and motioned for them to sit down on the two chairs beside the bed. "Do you want me to explain what's going on?"

"Yes please," said Simon, "I can't believe it. He just drank that cup of coffee a few hours ago." Blair was quiet, just looking in shock at his comatose partner.

"The doctors think that he must have ingested a concentrated amount of the arsenic for him to become so ill so quickly. The jaundice, rash, and swelling are all typical signs of arsenic poisoning."

"Convulsions, heart failure, renal failure, and death." She looked at the two men closely. "The doctor told you that, didn't he?"

Blair spent the rest of the night sitting at Jim's bedside. He held Jim's hand and spoke to him, but there was no indication that the ill man knew Blair was with him. Simon left the room several times to make phone calls. Blair reluctantly ate a sandwich that Simon bought him, and drank several cups of coffee, trying to stay awake. At seven in the morning a different nurse handed Blair a container of juice. "You look like you could use it." She looked at the readouts and replaced the intravenous bag.

"Actually, better than I would have expected. His kidneys are producing urine again," the nurse pointed to the half-full collection bag, "his vital signs are stronger, and he hasn't suffered any more convulsions."

"Well, that's good news, isn't it?" For the first time since the nightmare had started Blair started to feel hopeful. He bent over the bed and stroked Jim's cheek.. Jim's eyes opened, and he moved his head from side to side. "Jim! I'm right here, man. Gee, you gave us a scare."

"I'd like to examine Mr. Ellison. Please wait outside, and I'll be with you in a few minutes."

Blair waited anxiously for the doctor to complete his examination. It was fifteen minutes before the doctor finally joined him. "Well, how is he? He's regained consciousness, that has to be a good sign."

"Yes, it is. However, he is still a very ill man. We'll keep him in the ICU for the next few days so that he can be closely monitored. I think you were told last night that his heart, kidneys, and liver are a concern." Blair nodded. "That hasn't changed. But a victim of acute arsenic poisoning can suffer from other ailments; among them visual impairment and limb numbness. He is blind and paralysed."

"He's sleeping, and I don't expect him to wake up again until this afternoon. You should go home and get some sleep before you return."

Blair walked into Jim's hospital room, and quietly sat down beside the sleeping man.

"Blair, is that you?" Jim opened his eyes and stared out blankly, his head moving from side to side several times.

"Okay. You're not having those dizzy spells anymore?" Blair raised the bed and touched Jim's lips with the straw.

"No." Jim drained about half the water bottle, then turned his head to show that he was finished. "Thanks. I'm so thirsty, apparently another legacy from the arsenic. By the way, what time is it?"

"After four. Sorry I wasn't here earlier, but I had those meetings I just couldn't get out of."

"But you can usually hear and smell me. What's going on with your other senses?"

"I usually take down those senses when I'm in the hospital, whether I'm the patient or not."

"Makes sense, just too much stimuli for you to handle. Hey, have they had you out of bed at all? Maybe given you some physiotherapy?"

"No. I'm a medical curiosity, Blair. It seems that someone as sick as I was just doesn't recover. The blindness, paralysis, and numbness are a direct result of the poisoning, but they don't know how to treat me. They have no idea if I'm permanently disabled, and all that seems to be happening is that huge quantities of my blood are taken from me every few hours."

"Jim, I wish I could do something to help." Blair leaned over the bed and stroked Jim's face, knowing it was an area of his body that had feeling.

"Maybe you could rub the salve on my body. It's supposed to be applied three times a day, but the nurse only did it this morning."

"Sure." Blair found the jar on the night table and opened it up. "Gee, it smells. No wonder you're dialling down smell." Blair took the blanket off Jim's legs and began applying the cream. "It is helping, though, the rash looks much better than it did even yesterday." As he rubbed it in he noticed that Jim seemed less tense.

"Blair, tell me please. What do I look like? I've had a few visitors, and they seem shocked at my appearance when they walk in."

"Well, you're skin is yellow, and you're covered with that flaking rash. There's still some swelling on your torso, but that seems to be almost gone. Oh, there is something else that you won't be too happy about. You've got some hair loss, that bald spot of yours is bigger than ever."

"Don't be, Blair. I don't know how I'd manage if it wasn't for you being here for me."

"Oh, yeah. I still have diarrhoea, though it seems to have settled down. I had to go this morning, and I had no way of getting anyone to help me. After the mess was cleaned up the nurse decided this way would be better."

"Shit. Jim, this isn't right. I'm going to speak to the nurses, you shouldn't have to be like this."

"I don't think that's doable, but I have a few ideas. As long as there's no medical reason for you to be hospitalized I'll get you out of here."

Blair was busy the next day, arranging a place for Jim to go, and for his continued care. He found time to visit Jim briefly late in the day, but he was sleeping. Blair asked the private duty nurse to tell Jim that he'd been by and that he'd be back in the morning. He also left instructions at the desk for Jim to be dressed, and ready to be discharged in the morning.

Blair returned to the hospital the next morning, ready to put his plans in motion. Again he found it disconcerting when Jim failed to realize that he'd entered the room. "Ready to roll, big guy?"

"You've got that right, Chief." The nurse helped Blair transfer Jim into a wheelchair, and Blair pushed the wheelchair out of the hospital to where the rental van was parked.

"No, I rented a van. It's equipped with a lift, so there won't be any transfers, you can just stay in the chair."

"I'll tell you everything, just bear with me, okay?" In a few minutes Blair had the wheelchair positioned properly, and drove away from the hospital.

"No." Blair pulled into a parking space and turned off the van's engine. "We're a few minutes early, it will be easier if Glen is here," he murmured.

"Please tell me what's going on. I can tell that you're nervous. What's the problem?"

"Okay. First, before I explain everything, are you okay? I mean, can we just sit here for a few minutes?"

"The situation in the hospital was intolerable. You had a private nurse yesterday, so you were looked after properly, but there were still problems. The main one being that there didn't seem to be any treatment plan. That's what I was so busy with yesterday. I had a lot to arrange, and your father and Simon also helped. We could get you a place in a nursing home, but I know that you'd hate to have to stay in any type of institution."

Jim smiled. "Yes, since yesterday." He raised both arms slightly, his wrists and hands still limp. "I just hope that it's the start, that everything will come back."

Impulsively Blair leaned over and hugged the wheelchair bound man. "Oh, man. This is great."

"Oh, yeah. The loft isn't accessible for a wheelchair. I could put a bed for you in the living room, but the elevator is unreliable, and the washroom is too small and doesn't have grab bars or a wheel-in shower. I remembered that there are accessible apartments available on campus, and being the summer semester I thought that there might be an empty one. I was right, we have a unit for four months. After that, well, we'll just see how much progress you've made."

"Yes. I met with and hired two nurses yesterday. I've arranged for two shifts during the week, and one shift on the weekend. Joan will take over from Glen later in the day."

"Blair, two questions. Who's paying for all this? The rental on the van alone must cost a lot. And second, I'm not a student. How did you manage to arrange an apartment?"

"Jim, you've got to understand. I couldn't come up with a better alternative. This is a married student's residence. The administration assumed that we are a couple, and I didn't correct them. Also, if there's a problem I'm just minutes away." Jim didn't say anything, but his face showed the tension that he was under. "Jim? I'm sorry, I should have spoken to you first. Please say something."

"Blair," Jim said quietly. "I just seem to have lost control of my life. I drink a cup of coffee a week ago, and now look at me."

"That might be better. This is too much for you, Blair. You don't realize just how helpless I am."

"I'm prepared to handle that." Blair saw the sceptical look on Jim's face. "Well, that's part of what Glen and Joan will be doing for the next few days, showing me how to help you."

"Well, if you're okay with the arrangements, then I am too. We'll deal with any fallout later. I just want you to be honest with me. If you can't handle everything tell me, and I can go into a nursing home."

Blair nodded, a big smile on his face. "Deal. You look tired, and I see Glen parking his car. We'll go inside, settle you in, and talk some more later."

Jim spent most of the rest of the day sleeping. Blair was pleased to realize that he could manage any necessary lifting and wheelchair transfers in spite of the weight and height disparity between the two men. Glen, and later in the day Joan, showed Blair the basics of how to care for Jim. Jim was not taking any medications, and there were no monitors or other equipment that Blair had to deal with. Blair even had time after lunch to spend a few hours in his office. Before Joan left for the day she helped Blair get Jim ready for bed. Blair then spent the rest of the evening preparing lesson plans and catching up on his reading. At eleven he decided to go to bed.

"Maybe. I'm sorry, I should have told you earlier. There's only one bed. We have to share."

"Chief, really. I'm okay with this." Jim grinned broadly. "Your virtue is safe with me. And look at it this way, I can't kick you, and if you kick me, I can't feel it."

Blair laughed as he settled into bed beside Jim. "I'm glad I got you out of the hospital. You seem more like yourself."

"Thanks again, Blair. For the first time since this mess started I'm starting to feel hopeful."

"Is Dad paying for all of this? There's no way you could have arranged for insurance payouts this quickly."

"No. But you do have him to thank. Your father can be quite persuasive when he wants to be, the university is covering all your expenses."

"There's no leads at all on who tampered with that vending machine. A month ago arsenic went missing from the biology labs. The arsenic wasn't stored in a secure manner, and the theft was not reported to the police. Over two dozen people became ill from drinking poisoned coffee, you were the only one that was so severely affected. However, health services didn't report anything to public health, nor was there any attempt to find a cause for the illnesses."

"Well, they wouldn't do that, but he did convince them that the negative publicity about your illness would harm the university's reputation. Like I said before, all your current expenses are being looked after. William is working out a settlement with their lawyers, so money is one thing you don't have to worry about in the future." Jim didn't say anything. "Jim?"

Both men quickly fell asleep. A few hours later Blair woke to find Jim kissing and licking his face. "What the!" Blair jerked away from Jim, and quickly sat up. "I'm sorry. I didn't hurt you, did I?" He turned on the bedside lamp, grabbed some tissues, and wiped off the tears from Jim's face.

"Jim, calm down, it'll be all right. I'm going to sit you up, and then we can talk. What's going on?"

"You have to believe me, Blair, I just couldn't help it. I think it has to do with my senses."

"You were having trouble in the hospital, I know that. But I thought you'd be fine once you left there."

"I never realized just how much I needed you to keep myself grounded. Now that I can't see or reach out to touch you ... Well, it seems that I'm just not in balance. You must have rolled over in your sleep, I could feel your breath on my face. I just couldn't help it, Chief, I had to taste you, and to feel you."

"That actually makes sense, Jim. I noticed even in the hospital that you were calmer when I was touching you. Now we just have to work on getting the senses that are available to you to compensate for the missing ones. You can still smell me and hear me. Why don't you try to focus on my heartbeat?"

"No." Jim started crying again. Blair reached over and held him, and again the contact seemed to calm him down. "I feel so lousy and so sick. It's all I can do to keep enough control to hear normally. Also, with that smelly stuff that's all over my body, there's no way I'm dialling that sense up anytime soon."

"Okay. Smell is out, sorry I forgot about that. When you're feeling better we can work on your hearing. Meanwhile ... " Blair paused, and smiled, having come to a conclusion. "Meanwhile, don't feel guilty about the kisses. It's still the middle of the night, I think we both could use more sleep." Blair helped Jim lie down again. "If we both sleep on our sides facing each other, and I hold you in my arms to keep you steady, you'll have easier access to my body. I promise not to freak out again."

Blair thought of the progress Jim had made in the five weeks since he'd left the hospital. Once he no longer felt so ill it seemed that his body was ready to heal. His fingers were still weak, but he'd recovered all the strength in his arms and upper body. One wheel of the wheelchair was locked, so he was able to operate the chair with one arm, with the other arm outstretched to feel for any obstacles. It was slow going, but Jim managed to make his way around the small apartment. He was able to transfer from his bed to the wheelchair, and also use the washroom on his own. As he started to gain some independence his frame of mind was more positive, which further helped his recovery. He no longer needed any home care, but Glen still drove him daily to and from physiotherapy and when there gave him the extra help he needed because of his double disability.

"Blair? Can't you sleep?" Jim broke his hold on Blair's body, blindly grabbed for and found the bar over his head, and pulled himself upright.

Jim was quiet for a minute. "Thanks again. Gee, I seem to say that a lot, but it's true. If it wasn't for everything that you've done I'd be stagnating in some nursing home."

"Close your eyes, I'm turning on a light. No, I might have arranged things, but it's you that's had to do all the hard work. Should I put on the kettle, or do you want a cold drink?"

"I'm fine. Hey, forgot to tell you the good news. I'm getting measured for leg braces next week. There's just a bit of feeling and movement in my legs, but it's enough to get me standing on my feet."

"I learnt enough Braille to use those playing cards. I found it easy, I've always liked learning codes, and the sensitivity in my fingers is back to sentinel levels. I've decided to continue with the Braille lessons."

"I know, I just can't help worrying. There's something else that I think you'll appreciate. Just before Simon came in, I needed to make contact with you so badly, and I fell asleep holding on to you, as usual, but I don't have any urge to touch or taste you right now. You don't seem surprised."

"I've noticed a slight difference in your behaviour the past few days. Just don't be embarrassed if you still need to make contact with me, I'm really okay with it."

Both men settled down to sleep, Jim's only contact with Blair a hand on his thigh.

"Just a sec, Chief." Jim exited the washroom and slowly limped over to the couch, sitting down beside Blair.

"That's okay, I managed fine." Jim turned toward Blair, took off his sunglasses, rubbed his eyes, and smiled. "Good news on all fronts. The eye doctor said my vision is back to normal, and that I shouldn't worry about my eyes being overly sensitive to light. It should clear up in a few more weeks. The orthopaedic doctor agreed that I can chuck the brace on my right leg. The left leg is stronger since the last time he saw me, so he figures maybe another month and I might not even need the cane."

"Must have left it in the washroom." Jim grinned sheepishly. "Oh, I forgot. The best news of all, I've been cleared for desk duty, next Monday I'm back to work. Never thought I'd be looking forward to sitting at a desk doing paperwork."

"We're back at the loft in two days. Are you going to be able to manage the stairs?"

"I should, if it's a problem we could temporarily switch bedrooms. Is that okay with you?"

"No problem. What's wrong? You don't look as happy as I would have figured you'd be."

"Blair, these past four months, the way I've acted, the things I've done, I ..."

Blair interrupted. "I've told you, Jim. There's no reason to apologize. You couldn't help yourself, I know that."

"You told me once that there's been speculation about your sexual orientation that dates back to your time in vice. And since I've lived with you, I'm sure those rumours have increased. Jim, once we're both dating women again, well, everyone will just forget. Our friends will certainly get the picture when they come over to the loft and see that I'm still sleeping downstairs."

Jim shook his head and continued stubbornly. "I still feel that I've wasted four months of your life."

"Jim, look at me." Blair put his hands on Jim's shoulders and looked directly into his eyes. "You're my best friend. Do you think that I care that I didn't go out on a few dates, or that some people have nothing better to do than gossip about us? Your needs came first with me. If there's any fallout we'll deal with that as it happens. You're probably still a good three months from being back on the street. Right?"

"Okay, for the next two months I won't even be at the station that frequently. You know what they say 'out of sight, out of mind'."

"I know you would, big guy." Blair said softly. "Gosh, the two of us are certainly being maudlin." Blair grinned and there was an impish look in his eyes. "You know, in a way it's a shame that we're not really a couple."

"Well, there is that. But man, I've got to tell you, you're the best kisser I know."